Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
