He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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