the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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