You're so nebulous sometimes
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize