There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
