guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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