Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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