Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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