hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize