That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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