who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
