All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
