DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I only lived at night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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