meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize