I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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