i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
