Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
