We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
