I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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