peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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