Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
