Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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