Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize