I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
smell my finger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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