I just threw up on my dentist
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize