I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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