I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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