my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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