mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
