I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
