Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
