So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
