No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
