He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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