hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
