there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
