ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
