Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
