hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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