I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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