So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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