Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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