I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
