i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
