True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the raccoons are back...
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