My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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