we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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