Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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