i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
