yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
