I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
