I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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