i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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