She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
