remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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