He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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