dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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