it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
