It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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