Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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