youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
