Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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