yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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