I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
