i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
