dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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