Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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