I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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