Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
