consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
