Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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