can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
