Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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