How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
