About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
