i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
