how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
