He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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