If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
