Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
