How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize