its not stalking. its research.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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