i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
