I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize