Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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