i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
