Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
