I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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