shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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