My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
