im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
