Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
