Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you didnt know i had herpes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
