i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
