No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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