We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
