Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
