Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont even know how to be here
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
