You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
