There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
