I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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