When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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