He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize