You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
