i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
