You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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