3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In America we eat man semen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
